We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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