I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
