The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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