I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
