What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
