someone owes me an orgasm
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My penis needs a shock collar
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize