we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
