You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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