He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
