if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
