it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
