I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize