just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
