What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
