I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
