he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
