sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
