And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
