I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize