I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
