He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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