my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
