I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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