So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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