Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
True strength comes from lack of pants
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
