Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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