Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
