I heard we made out
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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