I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
