Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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