dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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