my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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