I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
