you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
