you traded sex for a burrito?
We got so high we made milksteak
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
