Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is wine microwaveable?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
