Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize