Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
