Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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