I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
