dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
