Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
