Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
PANTIES FOUND
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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