I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
