we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
