4 words: hood of his car
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
