She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you win again, gameday.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
