i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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