You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
