maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
