where does the pee come out of this thing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
