I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
this is an emotional support booty call
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize