Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize