I accidentally had phone sex last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
