just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize