Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
