what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
