I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
