is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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