Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
