oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
