wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
