so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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