im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
