Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
