WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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