yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
