Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
babies were throwing up all over the place
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
