dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
