I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize