They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
