Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
