Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
