Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize