where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
