Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
