my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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