I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's get the cat blown out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
