i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
