well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
