these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize