So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
