Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
