I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
