And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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