OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
