Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
