he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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