yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
