all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
