I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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