My friends, they love my intelligence
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
that may or may not have been my penis.
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