i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
