: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize