I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
