Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
