he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
