so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
